Home is the best vacation destination

Guess what, I went back to Malaysia for just one week!!! I know you must be shocked, well everyone gave me the same reaction, hahahah. okay...the air ticket was very very cheap, only 430pounds return for Malaysia Airline, and yes its Malaysian airline's direct flight which includes KLIA to Penang International Airport! thanks to (swine flu), LOL for changing my mind to go back to Malaysia before graduation, by causing a great reduction in air ticket's price...last but not least, a big thank you to the most awesome family who made all of these amazing things happened, luv u all lots!

This whole week was just free and easy at home in penang and home town, made me feel really relaxing and warming...i mean the weather too LOL


the first time of me seeing penang island and penang bridge from the sky!!! *excited*

Family day to Botanical Garden, this is where we always come during the weekend for jogging and having some close to the nature activities. The once a year Flora Fest was hold at the same time when we went, my bro used my cam to take lots of closed up photos of flowers which took up lots of my cam's memory space, not gonna upload here probably in facebook one day, heheh sorry yi kor


Mummy is getting younger, don play play she is a chinese medicine sinsei now!


Dad is stil de same humourous person, we had some river adventure moment there LOL


Mari-mari, durian n manggis beli-beli


The precious one hour in TGIF


Confession to my roommie

Also, would like to use this blog to send my most sincere and deepest thank you to my ex-roommate Dee Sin as she has been a really good roommate in the past year and I know sometimes she has to bare with me with quite alot of things but she just tolerated well with me and glad that we have never had any serious big fight-in-the-room like the twin used to stay on top of our room, LOL. Here, I would like to apologise if there's anything which I have done that made you feel unhappy and angry, please forgive me. I know throughout this year, we've been coupled up to become quite a good cook, I will certainly miss those dishes that we've created together, those time that we hold events in our room, those stressful time when we didnt talk to each other but dating with our handouts and books day and night, and the time when we had little secret chat in our room...hmmm...they are all good memeory to be kept forever in my heart. Last but not least, I want to say THANK YOU again for your little gift and touching notes in my birthday card. I have not prepared anything for you but an effort to bring our friendship becomes closer in the future! Hope that you will have a good time staying in Dunkirk and will visit whenever I smell something nice at BGP from the direction of Dunkirk hahahahahah


stupid thing we've done in our room


she teman-ed me to shop for souveniors n take photos of beeston to show it to my family, so sweet rite

hmmm due to having inconsistent internet connection in my current address now, I don't think I have anymore patience to wait for the slow uploading time, will update again when the internet gets better.

CAOZ...

I've got a real 'French Kiss' today!

OMG now i know why people say french is the sexiest people in the world, hahaha JER VIA BIANG MESI
learnt a new french language today! it means 'im fine thank you'

today is actually my last day of working in the Rutland Hall (well...hopefully is the last day only for this semester, and im always hoping to work with the same boss and colleagues again next semester!). the french colleague gave me a real French Kiss hahahha of course I returned her with a big MUAKSSS. to be honest, this is my first time kissing a female, out of my expectation that actually made me feel really nice. I hope she will be doing fine after this, as she said she might be leaving the UK and go back to Itali for a job in a chinese restaurant, I wished her all the very best, take care my dear friend eventhou I only get to know you better since today. hahahaha

Also, today is my first day of working in the Pot Wash! that is why i have had the chance to know her better as she is the pot wash lady and i am usually a dining room lady. MALANG lah i could have worked in the Dining Room for the Formal Dinner tonight but all thanks to my stupidity that I didnt know the attire for formal dinner is white collar shirt and black skirt. I just went to work with my usual black polo and long pants, was kind of shocked when i saw all my fellow colleagues and friends (was shocked the second time when i saw YIMENG and others working in MY HALL!) were wearing white shirt. luckily I've got a nice boss who didnt even scold me or angry at me, but gave me options to choose what I would like to work instead, so kind of him right? heheheh

the strange emo-ish Jamaica guy in that pot wash room was treating me so nice today, so unusual of him hahhaa. probably because i sort of giving him 'warning' before the start of work, because i told him:

" U must teach me everything that i nid to know, i don wanna make any mistake, i don wanna be scolded by u"
then obviously i ended my sentence with LOL. anyway, what i wanna say is eventhou he is really fierce sometimes and he is really annoying all the time, BUT he can be a nice person when he wants to be, he should be told that people loves him this way, yea anyone wanna volunteer? hahah dare u!

hmmmm my ALAIN DELON shoes were sacrified for this special night, she was tough all the time and made her very best to serve me until the last day of the catering service, how lovely she was. at the very end, she was submerged by water due to a small leakage underneath, making my feet swimming all night long...thanks my ALAN DELON you have done a great job! (I will remember you until i get my new formal heels! heheheh)

and yea i think everyone in the kitchen is so nice today, its really good when seeing everyone working in harmony and joking and teasing each other, just like a gang of crazy people. im going miss them seriously >.<

and then here i have my D.I.Y SUSHI recipe to share with you guys! i made it 2 weeks ago for a one week supply of my lunch meal! hahaha easy peasy and save alot of time cooking in the afternoon when i usually don feel like moving alot LOL.


u need eggs rice seaweed carrots mushrooms cucumbers tunas prawns mayonaise


then, cut them into appropriate long shapes and cook de ingredients accordingly, this time i made four main kinds which are tuna, egg, prawn and mushroom. while carrots, cucumbers and spring onions are vege for all the sushi.


rice is cooked and preferably mixed with white vinegar, its time to wrap it up now!


once wrapping is one, cut them into the length that you like ( i suggest you to get a sharp knife you will know why when you see the next step)


well...you can see that the shape is abit cacated all thanks to the blunt knife and i had to press my little weak sushi bar and taking some hard time to even cutting off the thin seaweed layer. so yea, important advice

but anyway, the SUSHI tasted fabulous and i hope in the future, i will have the mood and time to do it again with an improved version or new recepi, and also using a new sharp knife heheheheh

okiela thats all for now, will post up after the exam which will be on the 18/22/26/28 of June. very soonnnnnnnnnn

Good Luck to myself!

Biggest Congratulation to 刘玉枝医疗美容诊所

my beautiful mummy now upgraded to become a doctor!

Today is my dearest mummy's big day, is the opening of her own chinese traditional medicines clinic in our home town - pantai remis!!! I'm so proud of her for her achievement in the medical field. Her spirits and interest towards being a sinsei and her never-stop-learning attitude is something that I must learn from her. She is indeed a role model for everyone in the family especially me and my sister because she has been not only a great mother but also in terms of managing her career and fullfilling her wish to be a doctor to help patients to stay away from illnesses and diseases and most importantly to educate them the prevention of getting sick as you know, prophylactic is always better than treatment.

The clicic was named after her name because her name is actually very special when pronounced in either mandarin or hokkien, its rhythm literally means 'save one stick for me' hahahahaha and then we had this joke that mummy is saving one stick of needle to accupunctual them. okok...maybe you dont find it funny >.<

And yesterday was my happiest day in the UK! A good news early in the morning from my dad just made the best start of my day and I seriously could not believe what I saw in the email. All I hav to say is thank God and I think I'm the most blessed kid in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally, I would like to thanks my family for being such a great support in everything I want to do, eventhou we're far apart but I can feel all of them in my heart at anytime and everywhere. Love you guys the most!


A family dinner is the best thing I'm craving for right now!!!

Skipped February's post, its the end of March now!

All rite, first of all lets make a summary of de missing post with pictures.


de nite of red wine n heart to heart talk


Its been a bad weather day, overcome all obstacles to visit Gimms lol u can ignore me


Malaysian nite with formal and traditional dress


me n christ visiting gimms in brinsley


my first 鸡腿饭 in uni's recharge cafe! yummy

Hello guys, the title could tell how busy I was since February. I have alot of reasonable excuses not to update here, one of it being no body really care about it, hahaha and the other reason being I was really having no time even watching drama shows (its been ages since my last HONGKONG's drama aka gems of life T_T), not even to mention BLOGGING! Now that I'm writing here its because its the start of Easter Holiday now, and amazingly it lasts for four weeks long woohoooo~~~ such a longing holiday ever since the last one in December but that was not considered as a holiday as it was a break to study, not break from study -______-

Now, I have all the time in the world to waste MAUAHAHHA. Thinking in mind that this four weeks break is going to past very fast, it makes me even more precious my spare time now, trying to make use of every single seconds to do something which I have missed out since February where my life has been fulled of work, work and more work. So...wondering what kinda of work that I'm talking about? hehehhee...its CASUAL WORK! The truth is, I was working part time in the University Catered Hall at night for almost four weeks, 6 days in a week and 2.5 hours a day. For me, it was not actually a long hour as during that period of time when I've started working, I could not feel that the time was flying so fast, would not even have time to pause and relax awhile, its actually busy like hell when the people started coming into the hall for their dinner. Wondering what kinda tasks that I engaged to? OKAY..its like this, if you happened to stay in catered hall before, then you know there is this person who scoopes and serves the foods to the students when they are Q-ing up for their foods, I was playing this role exactly! Everyday, my most frequently used phrases would be 'NEXT PLEASE!''YES PLEASE!''THANK YOU!''would you like rice?''This is vegetarian!'lol, I'm so freaking used to saying all these phrases now, so sick of saying them too. To be honest, I like my job very much, I hope to continue working if possible after the break but it seems that exam will just be around the corner which makes life so tense and less likely to have time for working. Anyway, I will still wish to stay back with this job in the future if I have the opportunity to. What I really want to say is (quoted from LEEHOM lol), working in the UK is damn great fun and its probably the best experience that an international student should gain because you get to mix with people while expanding your network at the same time improving your english communication skills! well...most importantly, earning POUNDS is nevertheless the most rewarding bits of coming to UK!

So yea, piece of advice here for all Malaysian Friends out there in the UK, if you find your life too dull or boring, just instill some colours into it by working or volunteering in some interesting events, you will definitely feel and see the difference if you try it out.

One more thing to share here, its actually nothing to be proud of but just something that I thought it would never happen in my life, not even 0.00000001% would it have any connection to me! BUT unfortunately, it has just happened on me! Its another story to serve as another piece of advice to the young ladies out there no matter you are in the UK or Malaysia or anywhere in the world, LOL. erm...suddenly don't feel like telling it here...erm...I think I will save it until I'm ready to tell, I'm not mentally ready yet because this matter has left a big impact on my life, on the way I perceive Friendship, it greatly influences the way I mix with male's friend after the event. This matter has also made me to think more maturely about relationship, not my own's relationship but friend's relationship and how it could influence your friendship one day if something is not done in a mature way, for an innocent and less-experienced adult like me (I know I should be behaving like an adult but as I've said, I'm not psychologically nor physically ready yet, because I'm still dressing like a teenager, because I'm still wearing jeans instead of trouser, because I'm still saying childish words like I always used to) its actually quite a good lecture for me yet also an interesting chapter in my life as at least I have this experience that I can share to my grandchildren next time in the far future. hahaha if you are curious enough and would like to hear the story, let me know and I would tell you everything, I would turn my sadness and anger into energy to tell so that I'm able to finish the story...only when she has apologised to me. I'm still waiting for the day, still giving her the last chance from my kindest heart. No one can forgive such a silly act from your friend...but I can...just an apologise, lets end the troublesome conflict, will you?

sorry guys, I will save the story for my next post maybe, its going to be very dramatic and I'm sure you'll be surprised by this real-life story, telling from the mouth of the real-life victim. Here, the victim has to stop writing now and re-heat her dinner as she has got plenty of foods packed from the catered hall! Don worry too much as the victim has partially let go and brought herself out of this disasterious event and today she has bought a bunch of chrysanthemum flowers to cheer her day, and to welcome the secret visit of springs! Furthermore, she has bought a coat and a jacket for spring's use, she just cant reject the temptation of sunshine and blossom, she is of course mentally ready to indulge herself in the SPRINGS, which is a great season bringing new life to everything!

New Year New Sem New Look New Me

Hello everybody Gong Xi Gong Xi! Its the 6th day of Chinese New Year, sincerely wish all of you a properous, healthy and wonderful year of the OX and be as strong as an OX in the years to come! This cny is really special to me, as you know I'm away from my home sweet home, not reunion with my family for the first time, it wasnt actually as bad as I expected, somehow I felt quite satisfied and warm-in-the-heart with the reunion steamboat held in my little room (imagine having to occupy 17 guests simultaneously), the reunion night has brought friends together and seemed everyone has had fun having to eat the long-miss-super-delicious tomyam soup (of course not forgetting the yummy chicken soup!) and the interesting gift-exchange games have brought the night to its climax, are you happy with what you've gotten in the end? I hope you do hehehe

And yea, just when we're still partially recovering from the exhaustion of having a dreaded one month's study break and two weeks of examination, the new semester has started right after that with NO BREAK IN BETWEEN! cny in the uk has become a negligible celebration, its so pathetic...the world of ANGMO but this land is actually resident by quite a number of chinese, yea dont believe? start counting the number of chinese that you'll bump into when you walk on any street, its a high frequency you'll be shocked with that. but too bad you cant find china town in Nottingham >_<. Oh yea went to try Terracotta on Tues, I have to say that the food is so so only, its more like a ready made dishes rather than freshly made, I have that feeling that they used uncle ben's sauce (quoted from NZ) to cook the dishes, LOL. I think this would be my first and last time for the restaurant. OKAY lets turn the sadness of not reunion-ing with family into energy, just want to say that no matter what the God is trying to test me, no matter what's happening next, I'm well ready to face any challenges, PUT THE OX COME 放牛过来 please!

What's new in this semester is that, we have a professional skills module which require us to wear formal outfit during the dispensing session, where we are suited as if we are a real pharmacist and get trained to be a competent pharmacist with the knowledge of laws and ethics that we're supposed to know in the near future while you're consulting the patients. I personally like this part of the course very much as I love memorising the medicines, their indications, side effects, drug-drug interactions and etc. I feel kind excited when I get to recall things about the drugs, I hope this is a normal reaction that you should spot from a pharmacy student, ahha. That's right, I'm at least having one new look in this brand new semester, not to mention the same routine jackets and coats that have been filled up most of my autumn and summer's fashion style, I now proudly announce that I'm opening up my arms to give a welcome hug to spring! My excitement towards this module has led me into spending my precious pounds in stocking up some new clothes, how amazing this is! Cant believe that I'm willing to spend on formal wear just because of this module! guess what, I've bought something that I really like from H&M and I think they are going to be practically useful in the future when I'm a pharmacist, my beloved new top and new serious-looking skirt! They are now accommodating in a special V.I.P space in my little wardrobe awaiting me to unveil their beautifulness, lol please bear with me for the broken language, I'm stil learning! Do give me some more time please, hmm...just realised that it has only been 3 years of time where I've been exposing myself in the english-speaking-environment. Well, I take alot of people around me as my learning model, they are all good english-speakers! especially PekSan who is so kind enough to correct my sentence each time I made any mistake, thank you my dear friend!

Speaking about Friend, I find that this semester seems to have started with some friendship issues which is sad to know that. I know sometimes its hard to juggle between yourself and your friends, most of the individual put themself more important than anyone else, this is how an ordinary human being should behave. But, when you see individual around you who can actually put friends on priority, you'll think that is it your problem that you've not done better in being a good friend? is it wrong if they care about you more than you care for them? is it not right that they've been treating you so nicely and you didnt do the same in return? This remains as a question in my heart because I don't know how people feel about me when I'm socialising with them, I don't know how important am I in their list when I actually take them as my close friends, I don't know how to measure the quantity and quality of friendship, I don't know how much should I give so that they think that i precious our friendship very much, I just don't know how...to express myself so that they can understand my feelings. I think one thing is right about friendship is that, eventhou two friends who don't always keep in touch with each other, but if they happened to meet up one day, there will stil be endless of stories to share with each other. I appreciate every single friendship that I've built up all these years (to be honest, the experience of transfering schools for three times in my lifetime have greatly influenced the way i perceive FRIENDSHIP, unintentionally it has widen my social network eventhou I was at first a quiet little young daughter of the bakery family and it transformed me to whom you think I am now) and I swear to myself that I'll try my very best to work it out every friendship and make them even better than before...do you have faith in me? Would you tell me how you think about me?

The begin of this semester, also meaning that we have to make decision on the accommodation next academic year, this is kinda troublesome when I come to think about it. Its not a hard decision actually, its just a matter of how you are making it so that it ends up with a happy ending with regards to the feeling of each parties. Probably you will say I'm worrying too much, you should just go with what you want, hmm...if its that easy, there wont be war in this world, LOL. Let me put it this way, if you really want something but you can only get it with the aid from your friend, isnt this abit selfish because you are only considering your own's benefits regardless of your friend's thought. What if your friend is kind enough to help you but actually in her heart she doesnt really like it this way, this would be unfair for her right?! For my friend's sake, I am willing to make a decision which everyone is happy with it, a decision where i stick to my usual independent me, be the usual lonesome but fortunate me, be the siusien that she's always been before she entered university which has totally changed her into another person...YES she will know how to make the decision the lastest by next week!

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone I love!
Happy New Semester my dear friends!
Spring is just around the corner so let us cherish the time we have in the UK!

p/s: my boots is on sale now at eBAY! please feel free to click on the link below for a better look of my abandoned boots hehhe >_<
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=110343218864&ssPageName=STRK:MESE:IT

Everything in 2008

ohkay i set a target to myself that i must write at least a post every month, im getting dragged on time managing as nowadays even there's no need to attend classes during the study break but the whole big stacks of notes and books have just filled up the so called "study break", isnt it should be a break from study, hmmm...why am i doing so much of studies during this break, jelaka~~~ i realised that at this time in Malaysia, i should be hanging out with friends at some new year's eve countdown event, its so pathetic that I'm hanging out with my headache-causing medicinal chemistry's past year papers now...i dont want la! well...think it the other way, its just a tough period that you cant avoid and you must try your very best to go through this time as the more effort you've instillled, the more in return you'll be rewarded in the future. As Likzai has always said :"no pain no gain" yea i strongly agree with you but i just dont have the urge to follow this principle now, am i getting lazier? yes i think i do...any cure? NO, you yourself is the only one that can save yourself, its a matter of whether you want to do it or not, rite? here i would like to thank my roommate for being a good motivator to me as whenever i see her rajin-ness, i feel ashamed of myself and started drilling my big head into de pool of notes, oh yeah motivation is so important at this period of time.

Come on...crap crap crap here, i think i'm more willing to spend time on blogging than studying now, more willing to do house work than studying, more eagly to work than study now! i know you will say i should not be thinking this way as i stil have 2 more years (eh nono, jus one and a half years) to strive through, you've plenty of time to work after that...hmmm...yea maybe i just feel like doing something else other than studying, anything else will do as long as it doesnt involve handouts books pens and papers...im so sick of those stuffs! they've been dreaded my life for 2 weeks plus and i've to face them for another 2 weeks (oh well,one week plus...)just doesnt make any difference as i hate them alot now!!! i said NOW...i know i'll have to force myself to fall in love with them again the next moment i finish posting this bloggy.

Lets back to the point of this post, im going to leave my personal comments on how i see every special things happened in 2008. Firstly, i've to say coming to the UK is the biggest event happened this year, as I've always thought that studying overseas is a dream to me and now that I've achieved it, all thanks to my family who kept on supporting me in whatever way they can, either mentally or financially, they've been such a great family and without them, I'm not at where I'm now. All i want to do now is to make my every effort to reward them back, i wanna make some proud achievements in my future pharamcist career and make everyone's life better! (LOL why do i sound so great) i just simply wanna show how much i love my family ( i know i'm not good in showing my feeling), and i promise i will make you guys proud and be sure that for what you're instilling on me now, it worths for a better future, I promise you!


This was taken on the last CNY, it's what deep in my heart that i've never said to my family, i'm sorry for not able to re-union in the coming CNY, anyway please keep my angpaos safe, hahah


For those who have heard of story about QQ, i'm so sad to tell you that the battle between us and the drug addict has over and QQ has been jailed by him using every single rude action that he could think of to pull us and QQ apart, QQ will not be able to re-union with us anymore, will he? T_T well, i feel like crying whenever i think of QQ, revising his pictures each time i miss him, it further adds on my craving for him, i miss him very badly actually, i think i'll need a long period of time to settle down the feeling of loosing QQ, QQ QQ QQ i want you back!!!

ehem *clear throat and reabsorption of tears* okay back to the topic, it'll be kinda stressful if you make studying in the UK sounds like a mission ( i admit i'm partially on a mission now, to get a professional degree), ahhaha actually there are many other things that we've or will be experienced during the period of pursueing studies in the UK, not only those thing that you can learn in the University but also other interesting stuffs out of the text book. Travelling is a good example to make your study life more exciting, so far I've been to Birmingham, Bath, Stonehenge, and IRELAND!!! hmm not as many as other friends who have been joining travel society's trip every time when there were trips organised, not as many as YUN who has almost finished exploring Europe within 2 and half years, but I feel that my life has been pretty enriched with tours, i guess travelling to 4 places in 5 months is not the normal amount of trip that i would usually do back in Malaysia. Huh, actually not bad huh! I swear to mayself that i would travel more often whenever i'm able to, in terms of finance, i dont feel like using family's hard-earn money to spend it on something which i'm the only one who enjoy it but not with them together, thus i would want to work (in fact, i'm very thrist of finding a part time job) to earn extra pounds to support many other things that i want to do. Everyone out there, job for me?

LOL...i dont know what to say now as i think my nerves and neurons are stored with those nutrition, advanced drug delivery and medicinal chemistry's stuffs (honestly, i've not started molecular pharmacology yet!), my brain is running low of RAM to think of something. Oh yea suddenly feel like thanking my dearest boss/friend in co-op selston, Gimms for sending me the company's xmas card, haha appreciated alot that you still remember me at this greeting season (at this busy moment in the pharmacy as people thought the chemist will be closed for 6 months for xmas, its so laughable!), you said there might be snowing during xmas day but there wasnt! abit sad and disappointed but what to do, we cant predict the weather just like we cant predict exam's questions (LOL i guess im having exam-phobia now)

Next i want to thank that person who has been such a great someone-to-talk-to all these years, eventhough there is nothing we can do now but lets wait til the day we meet, we've proved that distance is not a barrier, stay strong and grow stronger k?

collection of memories for all that we've been through...hope you'll like it when you see it ^.^


and this new song from Leehom's latest album - Everything, specially dedicated to that special one in my heart on this special day, the begin of every great things...

Everything

故事里的 起承转合 有一些忘记
做了多少错误的选择
原来波折 才暗示着 该走的方向
指引你我来到这一刻
就算别人都说 我们没什么出息
不可能会这样轻易放弃
Cause You're My Everything
就一个原因 让我勇敢面对这个世界
想给你Everything
不管用多少个明天 永远从此刻开始算起
你的爱是我的Everything

辽阔天际 巧合相遇 有多少机率
多少烟火 坠落无痕迹
因为幸福 没有捷径 难免要绕道
不被看好越是要走到
就算别人都说 我们没什么出息
不可能会这样轻易放弃
你就是Everything
就这个原因 让我勇敢面对这个世界
想给你Everything
只要你说一声愿意 所有的未来才有意义
你的爱是我的Everything

Cause You're My Everything
就这个原因 让我勇敢面对这个世界
想给你Everything
不管用多少个明天 永远从此刻开始算起
你就是Everything
就如这个原因 我会永远记住这种感觉
想给你Everything
只要你说一声愿意 所有的未来才有意义
你的爱是我的Everything



For everything great things happened in 2008, thanks to my beloved mum, dad, hui, len, ching, next come likzai (who turns into zainan recently) and then those close friends, love you guys forever! you've made my 2008 so wonderfully unforgettable ^.^

死亡游戏

In memory of my dear auntie who was called back by her Lord to the heavenly heaven on the 11th of November 2008, the article was written by an author whom has a close relationship with her and its dedicated to everyone for the memorance of her being the strongest person to fight with the illness and the ending of her suffers. She is now blessing everyone up there...turning into one of the stars, shining and blinking on us in the dark as if she is smiling to us and says: "I'm fine here!"

This article reminds me of how important HEALTH is to an individual, please love your body!

死亡游戏

~于亲人郑淑真回魂日~

许心伦手笔
二零零八年十一月十六日



阿珍日记 2008年 2月

新年期间，我回老家-双礼佛过年。大家看到我时，都异口同声的说：你瘦了！那真好呀！我减肥成功了！我实在高兴。我终于可以瘦身，可以穿漂亮的衣服。其实，我并没有特意减肥。既然可以没来由的瘦下来，那真是最好不过。因为瘦了，这个新年，我还特地买了两套紧身的新衣服。我还把它穿起来展示给丽环嫂嫂看，好招摇一番，因为她现在还是胖胖的，总是瘦不下来。


阿珍日记 2008年 4月

奇怪？我不是瘦了吗？为何我的裤头却越来越紧了呢？我的肚腩又再现形了。没理由。我的肚子是不是出了问题？可是，我从来不曾感觉胃涨风或肚子痛。我往涨得圆鼓鼓的肚子轻轻一按。咦？它是硬的！它像是一粒已打满风的篮球。
我被吓了一跳。它里面会是什么东西？难道它也像我妈从前肚子里的那一种<东西>吗？那是一粒生长在子宫内的<肉瘤>。妈妈因害怕开刀还带着那粒大瘤生活了好几年。后来开了刀，割了瘤，妈妈依然健健康康的活到今天。我想，不会有事的。我去给医生看看就是了。方哥陪我去医院做了超音波扫描检验( Ultra-Sound ) 及X-光照射图。检验显示我右边的卵巢颈旁长了一粒像青椰子般大的<肿瘤>！医生马上建议我验血做癌细胞指数测试(Cancer Cell Marker Test)及做全身核磁共振摄影( CT-Scan) 。结果显示：我的癌细胞指数偏高。我的全身核磁共振图显现我的肝脏也有细微的小白点。医生说那是属于一种轻微的损伤，较后再处理不迟。庆幸的是，身上其他器官完好无损。虽然我的癌细胞指数偏高，但是医生还不能向我说明那就是来自卵巢瘤里的病变。他们必须对那粒肉瘤进行病理化验才能具体证实。在这个期间，我才知道事态严重。我与方哥马上拜访了城里一个有名的中医。中医说，我的肿瘤太大了，直径达11公分，必须先割除后才能用中药调理。方哥为我接洽了住院开刀的时间与手续。由于清明节快到了，我必须先回乡拜祭父亲与哥哥，就把开刀的日期排在清明之后。清明前的晚上，我与方哥从吉隆坡坐了6小时的车回老家。第二天一早就赶往扫墓。我在墓地上锄了1小时的草，把四周打扫干净。祭拜完毕回到家，我竟然累得席地而睡，非常反常。我平日身体无痒无痛，工作日以继夜从不言累。我才49岁，身体健壮，现在只锄锄草，竟然会累成这样。这会不会是肚内的<肿瘤>在作怪？


阿珍日记 2008年 5月 3日

明天，我就要进院割除肿瘤了。我很乐观，因为我的妈妈也做过这样的手术。她现在人好好的，还吃得胖胖的。 我会住院4天。我的姐姐会来照顾我。今天的晚餐，我亲自下厨。虽然明天就要开刀了，但是我感觉身体无碍，不痛也不痒，我自然以对，没有害怕的感觉。


阿珍日记 2008年 5月 4日

一早来到医院，护士马上安排我验血、宽衣、消毒局部、打麻醉剂。时为午间2点。当一剂麻醉药从我腰间的脊椎骨打入时，真是叫我痛得呼天抢地。我拼出吃奶力紧抓住面前的铁床栏杆，试图不叫出声音。渐渐地，我失去了知觉。 醒来时，已是下午6点。我下体的肿瘤与子宫已被切除了，留下一条蜈蚣的足迹。一切还好。四天后，我就可以出院了。


阿珍日记 2008年 5月 8日

经过四天的疗养后，我的体力恢复了，可以缓慢的走动，只是，动过手术的切口还在隐隐作痛，人也瘦了一大圈。我穿上美丽的衣服，准备出院。不过，出院之前，必须等待接受医生的诊视。保罗医生面容带笑，像完成了一个重大的工程似的，轻松的对我说道：肿瘤成功的切割出来了。从大腿抽取出来化验的淋巴结证实没有癌细胞。目前你的身体没有发现有恶细胞的残余。不过，在开刀过程中，肿瘤的外皮稍微破裂，为了以防万一，你必须做3次低剂量的化疗。化疗？我吓了一跳。不会掉头发的。医生补充说。疗剂一支多少钱？姐姐问。不要问了。我不做化疗。我坚决的回应。不知为什么，我一听到<化疗>，竟然莫名其妙的害怕起来。化疗的副作用太可怕了，那会掉头发的。我身上没有癌细胞。我不是得到癌症！医生看着我，愣了愣，接着说：那就等3个月后验血吧。姐姐马上接口道：3个月太长了吧，万一一个月后就有癌细胞了呢？3个月之内是验不到癌细胞的踪影的。医生说。我太高兴了。我不必做化疗。我一定没事。我为自己打包单。医生说我现在的淋巴结没有癌细胞，我相信以后也没有。


+医院病理部化验报告+ 2008年 5月8日

经过开刀割除<卵巢肿瘤>后化验的结果，名为阿珍的病人已证实是得到<第一期>的<卵巢癌>。病人肚内的肿瘤体积为11 X 8 X 6公分，大部分的外层组织为软性的纤维体，但是中间却见一小部分的硬实体。这小部分的硬体就是癌细胞组织。它原本是<良性>的，但在发现时已开始长大并转变为<恶性>。


*癌症医学知识*


癌症既是<恶性肿瘤>，为一种疾病。它是由控制细胞生长增殖机制的失常而引起。癌细胞除了生长失控外，还会局部侵入周遭正常组织，甚至经由体内<循环系统>或<淋巴系统>转移到身体其他部分。癌细胞持续生长而不受外在讯息调控，可能是原本失活的原癌基因被激活，将细胞导入到癌变状态，但主要还是因为一些与控制细胞分裂有关的<蛋白质>出现异常。导致这种局面既可能是该<蛋白质>编码的<去氧核糖核酸>因<突变>而出现了<损伤>。正常组织转变成<肿瘤>需经一连串的过程。从最初期的细胞增生，多半可籍由身体本身的<防疫机制>加以清除或保持稳定。当它成为一团肿块的<良性肿瘤>时，身体已无法自立将其去除，而只能选择共存。但是也并非所有<良性肿瘤>都会转变成<恶性肿瘤>。癌症是<基因>引起的疾病。当调控细胞生长的基因发生<突变>或<损坏>时，细胞便失去控制，并持续的生长与分裂而产生肿瘤。大部分人体内的细胞是不会持续分裂生长的。


阿珍日记 2008年 6月

姐姐已告诉我是得了第一期的癌症，但肿瘤已经割除了。开刀后的验血报告也显示我的体内没有癌细胞。我很放心。既然没有癌细胞，我也没有必要做化疗。之前医生要我做化疗，我一口拒绝了。我对自己有信心。我可以吃中药保健与控制。方哥带我去看了中医。中药真难喝。我喝了几次就放弃了。


阿珍日记 2008年 7月

我不能等到3个月后才验血。我急于知道我的身体状况。我在开刀两个月后去医院验血。谢天谢地。我的血液癌症指数正常，没有升高。


阿珍日记 2008年 8月 11日


割除肿瘤后的第3个月内，我感觉我的两条腿经常酸痛无力并有肿胀现象。我的排泄系统也出了问题，必须借助泻药与润肠剂。间中，我往返医院几次，向医生请教。医生依情况配药给我。3个月后，我照医生的吩咐回医院验血及做CT-SCAN。这次才是最关键的检验。


+核磁共振摄影报告+ 2008年 8月 11日

报告显示：病人直肠处出现了一粒体积6 X 5 X 6公分的肿瘤。它导致排便肠道变窄。
通便肠道有轻微损伤。
肝脏内被发现有许多体积大小不等的损伤点。
左肺部有小节瘤。

结论：骨盘恶性癌毒复发。癌细胞已扩散至肝脏与肺部。


方哥日记 2008年 8月11日

天啊！为何是这样？这个噩耗来得太出乎人意料之外了！恶性肿瘤竟然可以在一个月之内着床？而且成长的速度惊人！这3个月来，阿珍的伤口快复原了，但元气却恢复的很慢。她的胃口与食欲逐渐减退，身体也渐渐地消瘦。难道说这些天来，隐藏着的癌细胞已经在慢慢的腐蚀着她的生理机能？难道说那些还未现形的癌细胞已在忙着吸取她身上所有的养料？我暂时不能告诉她这个噩耗，以免让她丧失求生的斗志。医生安排6次<化疗>( Chemotherapy )，每3个星期一次。


方哥日记 2008年 9月 16日

2次化疗期间，阿珍承受了许多痛苦的后果。她容易发烧、呕吐，头发也开始掉落。然而，直肠内的肿瘤并没有明显的缩小。经医生建议，决定采用电疗(radiotherapy ) 以放射线治疗方式直接杀灭直肠内的肿瘤。医生安排10次电疗。每天一次。


方哥日记 2008年 9月 24日

做完10次电疗后，医生建议为阿珍再做一次核磁共振摄影(CT-SCAN)，以检验体内的癌细胞状况。医生发现阿珍直肠内的肿瘤收缩了，但是，癌细胞已严重的扩散至肝脏。肝脏内的肿瘤开始在迅速生长。医生慎重的对我说：癌细胞已经转移，进入癌症第四期，如果没有医治，病人的寿命只剩下3个月。医生也对我说：虽然癌症已到末期，存活的巴仙率很低，但病人的求生意志力与积极的生活态度很重要。它能协助延长生命。医生安排18次的化疗，每星期一次。这次的化疗，主要是针对肝脏的癌细胞，也是要杀灭在体内扩散的其他癌细胞。


方哥日记 2008年 10月15日

在这段非常与紧急时期，为了要让阿珍配合其他治疗，我不得不向阿珍透露她真正的病情。阿珍很平静的接受这最坏的消息，没有半点激动的情绪。我想她早已有心里准备。阿珍知道自己的病情后，终于接受寻求额外的民间治疗。我带她寻访了几个中医与癌症痊愈病人，开始吃中药；也喝抗癌的青草汁如-木瓜叶、红毛榴连叶。然而，很不幸的，两次的化疗过后，阿珍的肝脏并没有好转的迹象，反而恶化。她的肝脏开始肿胀与疼痛。医生不得不配给减痛剂-麻啡 (MOFFEINE) 以减少病人的痛苦。此时，阿珍停止做化疗，既是说，这阶段的治疗已接近尾声。医生说病人已病入膏肓，再也没有痊愈的机会了，有的，也只是延长生命的钟点吧了。医生要我为阿珍签下<医疗切割书>。这是要证明医院与医生已经尽了最大的努力与人事。


方哥日记 2008年 11月 7日

阿珍的病情越来越危急了，她已进院好几天。据医生说，她的生命的终点就在这几天内。很凑巧的是，青青的婚礼就在明天的槟威<光大楼>举行。当时，阿珍的老朋友-阿连，她在吉隆波工作的女儿获悉阿珍病重后，就天天来探望。阿珍的妈妈也叫我必须出席婚礼。我就安排医生与护士特别照顾阿珍。不过，我必须在两天内赶回来。我将在明天临晨4点开车上槟城出席阿青的婚礼。


方哥日记 2008年 11月 8日

医生说，阿珍可能过不了今天或明天。今天顺利的出席了婚礼。我将在明天临晨4点开车赶回吉隆坡医院。


阿伦日记 2008年 11月 10日 午间2时

今天早上，阿珍开始表现异常。她的脸色渐渐苍白。她的眼神开始呆滞。她说话开始语焉不详。她的意识开始模糊。但她仍依稀记得谁人的模样。阿珍的呼吸像出自一条阻塞的气管，发出很大的音响。她呼吸的节奏开始加快，像上气不接下气的样子。几个星期不见，阿珍的脸盘与体型突然变了一个模样。以往骨瘦如柴，皮包骨的她忽然膨胀似的胖了起来。她的肚子发涨的犹如九月初九九皇爷摊口卖的大面龟，高高的拱了上来。原来，那是肝脏肿胀与下垂所导致，再加上内积水的关系，阿珍的四肢也连带发涨坚硬。我发现阿珍的口腔带血，只见血水不断涌现。不知癌细胞是不是已游移到了阿珍的头部与全身，她不断的抓头皮与摆动四肢，像一只热锅上的蚂蚁。 阿珍的妈妈在一旁老泪纵横，她一直嚷着要乘阿珍还有呼吸时送她回双礼佛老家，以免迟了进门。她询问阿珍的意思，阿珍迷迷糊糊的说：护士叫她留下来医治。阿珍到最后一刻还要在医院做治疗。不过，在她妈妈不断的追问下，她终于做了一个迷糊也含糊的回：Cinchailah。。。。

下午6时，阿珍的兄弟姐妹都到医院来了。
黄昏8时，主治医生来了。
刘医生说：病人的肝脏、肺、肾已经停止操作。血液开始凝结，并在皮肤下堆积成红点。她只剩下几小时的生命了。

此时，躺在病床上的阿珍脸色变得惨白，明显已陷入了昏迷的状态中，而只有心脏，尚在苟延残喘。。。我急忙叫护士为阿珍洗涤、净身，再穿上整齐的衣服，戴上假发。阿珍至始至终，都要为自己维护一个美丽的外表，不让人看到自己的丑态。我希望她能光鲜上路。。。


阿伦日记 2008年 11月 10日 入夜9点

阿珍只剩下几小时的生命！生命竟然到了用小时来计算，真是太可怕了。我还一直以为我们有很长的生命可以挥霍。想不到阿珍的生命这么快就来到了尽头。当救伤车的医药人员把已经静止活动的阿珍用绳子绑在救伤推椅上时，我忽然想到了粽子。棕子内的糯米已经没有自由与伸展的空间了。它们只能在被囹圄中发涨与挣扎。救伤车像一只穿着白衣的追魂鬼，一冲出马路就从头上喷出红色的血光，依哦依哦开山劈道，充分的展现了它的追命精神。然而，尽管追魂车开得有如喷射机，那已经没有阿珍的事了。她现在最后的一项工作就是不停的呼吸，不停的呼吸。只要她能保持呼吸到家，她就是胜利了。10点38分。救伤车抵达霹雳毛边。我发现阿珍开始拉长她的呼吸时间。我感觉到她的心脏的操作开始缓慢。我发现她的呼吸必须用劲，以至舌头也跟着一呼一吸。我发现她紧闭的双眼忽然在此刻微微半张，但是，她的眼珠已经凝固在焦点之外。我渴望她能回光返照，对我说些什么。我只能不停的对她说：阿珍，快到家了，快到家了，你妈妈在门口等着你了。你不要再睡了，不要再睡了。。。 医药人员的急救功亏一篑。多少氧气也唤不回即将停止的心脏。
回家的路布满了石子，崎岖难行。我被震得晕头转向，频频作呕，但是，在我身边沉睡的阿珍动也不动，她的魂魄头也不回的离开了她的躯体；离开了救伤车，随风飘走了。从此，她脱离了人生的苦海。苦海无边啊。从此，她是一只飘在云边的闲云野鹤，不必再为觅食而生存；不必再为病痛遍体鳞伤；不必再为名利财气追波逐浪。阿珍小妹，你的离去并不是没有价值的。你让我在你身上得到了许多启示。你让我看到了许多人在人性上的许多问题。

是的。每一个人，到每一个阶段，一定要拥有那个阶段的智慧与对事物的分析能力与警戒心。每一个人要为自己的成长负责。每一个人要对每一件事心有成竹，以免一失足成千古恨。每一个人都要懂得如何应对生活中的每一个问题。这种智慧是靠学习、上进、自强、阅读、储存资讯而来的。阿珍，你是失足于太过大意与没有警戒心。你的资讯储备量也太少了。

是的。每个人的解码水平都会因所处的环境与学识范畴而有差异。这些差异带来了很多的误解与偏见。然而，误解是可以用交流与沟通来稀释的，而不是我在此扎马，隔岸观火，你死你事，或是造谣生非，使两派人马两败俱伤。许多人都犯了这样的错误。我们也几乎跌入了这样的陷阱里。

从你的身上，我更加的了解到：健康才是最重要的。病从浅中医，一定有活命的机会。生病并不可怕。最怕是错过了医病的时辰。最怕是固执己见，不肯接纳好的建议。而最最可怕的，是以小人之心度君子之腹。本是同根生，大家的血脉相连，你走了，我们的血脉也已断流。然而，不管你走得多远，我们的门口永远为你打开。纵然你的思想与我们南辕北辙，你身上流的血，绝不会因空间而改变颜色。你的早逝，为我们敲了一句警钟。生命诚可贵，亲情价更高啊。

末了，安息吧。
祖母的花园永远为你开放。。。

死神日记 2008年 11月10日


哈哈哈，人类是斗不过我的。
人类自称是万物之灵，但是，却永远玩不过我。<死亡游戏>是我的强项。我只要在她身边飘过，她就会随我而去。
阿珍病人从发病到离去，不过10个月，是太快了些。其实癌症并不是绝症，只要把握时机医治，调适心情，并不能让我有机可乘。如果有注意，癌症通常会显示一些症状，如：
*局部症状：异常肿块、出血。
*恶性转移症状：淋巴结肿大、咳嗽、咳血、肝肿大、骨头疼痛。
*全身性症状：体重减轻、食欲不振、大量出汗、贫血。

如何避免患上癌症？
最基本的功夫是远离<致癌物>如：烟、酒、防腐剂、烧烤煎炸食物、快餐、有气饮品。改变不良的生活习惯。多运动。避免过度肥胖等。

啊呀，我是死神。我不能给你们太多活命的<贴示>，以免阎罗王<罗我条命>，让我死多一次。你们好自为之吧。

至于阿珍魂魄，由于她的手艺了得，我已引领她走向另一段新的旅程。她很好，新年过后，她就会在我的老板-阎罗王开的cake house上班，你们放心。。。。
拜拜。。。。